She has always hated being told what to do. Where most kids will eventually crumble. She will NOT. Eventually she will do what was told of her but always with "don't see me." In her mind if we don't see her, it was on her terms, her time.
Lately, she has been trying to sit on the table. When I tell her to get off she smiles and gets back on. She, like Handsome think everything we say is a joke. It is only until we are standing over them screaming that they realize we mean business.
Tonight she started her table sitting. I took her off three times with a "we don't sit on the table" speech. The fourth time I took her to the bathroom brushed her teeth and took her to her bedroom (she would be going in 30 minutes anyway).
We did her prayers like every night, I tucked her in and said good-night. I saw the realization come over her face. She was shocked! But....she continued to come out for 35 minutes. I bring her back in and walk out hearing her cry. I fight the urge to walk in and have a conversation with her. It would make me look like a fool and know that she is Ok. A little crying never hurt anyone. I remind myself that I stood firm and that this is a good lesson for all of us.
I put her very good brother (for at least tonight) to bed with hugs and kisses and a few "thank you for being such a good boy tonight" messages and headed back into the living room where who is waiting there? Goddess, with a friggin smile on her face. Grrr....I push the anger, exhaustion and total pissed off feeling down. Picking her up the now 20th time tonight, I bring her back to her room. She comes out. I pick her up and bring her back in telling her that my patience is wearing thin but if she wants to say I'm sorry to call for me.
She follows me out. I bring her back in and give her a smack on her butt and walk out. I hear her crying. She has stopped right now and I want to walk down the hall to see what she is doing. Is she sleeping? Crying silently, creeping back down the hall?
The professionals would reprimand me for the smack on the butt but seriously it was just a tap.
Ok...so she came back down the hall. This is one of those things that if I had just let the table thing go she would have gone to bed at 8:00 like every other night and I wouldn't be so pissed off at 8:18 p.m.
She is still awake, still upset! She came out AGAIN. It is 8:27. I brought her back in. I knew that she needed to hear that I love her and everything is ok. I put her in bed and tell her "I know you are scared. You think Mommy doesn't love you right now but you are wrong. I do love you and I know you want to be a good girl because that is WHAT you are. You are good. You are being silly right now. It is time for bed and we are all upset. Go to sleep." She hugs me and asked if I will tell her Daddy what happened. She wants me to. I tell her yes and that he will kiss her forehead like he does every night. I assure her that everything is ok and that she doesn't have to be scared. She says, "I want to be a good girl." I tell her that she is a good girl and that this doesn't mean she isn't loved.
She hugs my arm. She is sensitive but I know I have to leave. As much as I want to stay until she is asleep. I leave. I hear her crying quietly. I know it is because she is tired, and hurt. She thinks that I am mad. She is worried. It wasn't a lifetime ago. I remember being a little girl, feeling that you let your parents down and that it was the worst pain in the world to think they were mad at you.
I will go in when I am sure she is asleep. I will kiss her forehead, play with her hair, smell her beautiful baby girl scent. Placing my hand on her heart I will tell her that I love her. I know she won't hear me but hopefully she will feel me and this will give her enough comfort to have pleasant dreams and know that her Mommy will always love her.
